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Author Topic: Cookies.  (Read 13136 times)


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    • TsundereStorm
« on: January 17, 2013, 12:59:22 AM »

oatmeal chocolate chunk cookie concoction schematic: (some assembly required)

things you need that will consumed:
  • 1c melted butter (half a block of the big 500g blocks, or an entire 250g block)
  • if(butter.saltContent==0)add(salt.get(1*tsp));
  • 1c brown/raw sugar
  • 0.5c white sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1tsp vanilla extract
  • 1tsp baking powder
  • 1.75c allpurpose whole wheat flour (white flour might work too but you may need to add maybe a quarter cup more as whole wheat flour is possibly a bit drier)
  • 3c quick oats (not instant, i use the ones from quaker in red paper bags that cook in 1.5 minutes)
  • 100g bar 70% cocao, chopped into chunks (freeze then use a giant cleaver to chop widthwise into 'sticks' and then lengthwise into chunks, or just get chips, but i really recommend using these)

things you need that will not be consumed:
  • refrigerator
  • oxen
  • measuring tools
  • mixing bowl large enough to fit all of the things you need that will be consumed (not small such that it has incapacity for things you need that will be consumed)
  • giant cleaver
  • baking tray
  • single sided aluminum foil (i.e. not double sided)
  • some kind of cooling rack (the rack from a minioxen works great)
  • whisk
  • spatula or similar device

things to do with the things that will not be consumed to the things that will be consumed:
  • In a mixing bowl large enough to fit all of the things you need that will be consumed, mix the things you need that will be consumed numbers 1 through 7 inclusive with a whisk until smooth and creamy. This is a great base for any cookie if you ever feel like being experimental.
  • Add flour in intervals and mix with a spatula or similar device until the texture of the batter is not inconsistent.
  • Add 2c of quick oats and half of the chocolate and mix until they are fully covered in batter. The dough should be really really really tough, not flow in any way shape or form, take a fair amount of strength to mix, and be suitable for use in constructing sand castles.
  • Fold in remainder of oats and chocolate so that you have exposed oats/chocolate.
  • While raw dough is delicious the whole purpose of this schematic is to produce cookies.
  • Chill dough in refrigerator for at least half an hour. After chilling dough should be impossible to mix with spatula.
  • Hand-shape dough into rough spheres to some size somewhere between that of a ping-pong ball and a large marble and place slightly flattened on dull side-up aluminum foil on baking tray and bake in pre-heated oxen at some temperature between 325 °F and 350 °F for some duration between 13 and 15 minutes. (Start shorter/lower and work up, i used 34π² °F for 0.943e × 10^-5 leap years). Keep remaining cookie dough chilled in refrigerator.
  • Do not confuse °F with °C unless you enjoy carcinogens. You do not need to for this recipe but should you ever have to the formula to convert from °F to °C is °C = (°F - 32) × 5 ÷ 9
  • Cookies should come out of the oxen very soft to the extent that they may appear to be medium-rare. Slide aluminum foil from baking tray onto a cooling rack and let cool for at least 10 minutes before removing from foil. If you use two pieces of foil you can bake and cool simultaneously and just swap when the next batch comes out of the oxen.
  • After what hopefully are now cookies have cooled, test and make small adjustments to baking time and temperature accordingly. If resulting entities do not resemble cookies find someone you no longer wish to be friends with to test them.
  • Do not forget to not leave the oxen not unpowered unless you have not yet completed your baking.
  • ???????
  • PROFIT!!!!!
  • 13 is an unlucky number so this additional step was added. However if you are Chinese it is recommended you disregard this step.