Even if I was -> Even if I were
if Fay does that -> If Fay does that,
He won't be -> he won't be
-> sfx: ga (wham)
lol untranslated -> But...
-> sfx: gui (jerk)
-> sfx: fui (fwip)
That's a very tactless... -> Above being extremely rude, that's a very tasteless way to address me, isn't it?
There's no point... -> It's impossible to chase after it now.
The princess -> The Princess
last bubble -> text looks off-center because of the way the bubble is cut off... not sure if there's a better positioning though
Who's he? -> Who's that?
I don't know what I'll do. -> I don't know what he'll do. (I think this makes more sense >_>)
-> sfx: pa (hop)
"Syaoran" and -> "Syaoran," and (comma)
Sakura... the princess... -> I knew, but I didn't say anything.
And that was because / she trusted you. -> That was because Sakura... the Princess, / she trusted you. (can break after Sakura if it doesn't fit)
-> sfx: poko poko poko (rub rub rub) ?
Shiro-manjuu -> should we translate this? 'white bun'??
What an excessive behavior! -> What excessive behaviour! (note sp change in 'behaviour')
-> sfx: tan (clunk) / (thunk)
The one to be stabbed to death, -> The one that the magician stabs to death,
It was supposed -> That was supposed
that "Syaoran." -> remove 'that'
Exchanging herself... -> Changing the target to herself and going so far as to throw away her good luck and right leg,
One curse cast -> The first curse that was cast